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		<title>The only ‘Like’ that matters is our own.</title>
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					<comments>https://blog.stuartmcnaughton.com/2021/01/12/the-only-like-that-matters-is-our-own/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[StuartM]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 12 Jan 2021 18:58:22 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[addiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[entitlement]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[learnt behaviour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[locus of evaluation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loss of control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[projection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[social media]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://blog.stuartmcnaughton.com/?p=339</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The recent change in the Whatsapp Terms &#38; Privacy Policy seem to have sparked a bit of a backlash, and it prompted me to reflect on the effects of social media on not just myself, but also my friends, family, and my clients.&#160; None of us are immune to the pull of the internet, whether it [&#8230;]]]></description>
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<p>The recent change in the Whatsapp Terms &amp; Privacy Policy seem to have sparked a bit of a backlash, and it prompted me to reflect on the effects of social media on not just myself, but also my friends, family, and my clients.&nbsp; None of us are immune to the pull of the internet, whether it is to connect with others, to buy goods and services or for general information.</p>



<p>But by changing their Terms &amp; Privacy Policy, Whatsapp has triggered something in an increasingly distrusting public.&nbsp; The general public seems to believe that they own their social media and that social media is there to serve them.&nbsp; WRONG!&nbsp; The growth of data collecting technology and developments in data mining mean that these online platforms can exploit their huge user bases for a variety of purposes.&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>One friend called me to tell me he was moving from Whatsapp to Signal, a reportedly ‘free, more private and more secure’ platform.&nbsp; Whilst it might be more private (<em>who am I to assess this?</em>) than the current change in Whatsapp terms and whilst it might be more secure (<em>who am I to ascertain that?</em>), the word FREE kind of says it all.&nbsp; Again, there’s that belief that social media is there to serve us.&nbsp; Again, there’s that sense of entitlement.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Another friend messaged me, aggressively asserting that it should be her decision whether or not anything in a Whatsapp message could be shared with Facebook.&nbsp; In my head, I compare this to owning two properties.&nbsp; If I owned two properties (<em>if only!) </em>and I had a nice painting that would look nice in the other property, I would immediately put the painting up on a wall in the other property.&nbsp; The difference here with the online example is a) I don’t own the platform and b) I am knowingly relinquishing control because everything that is being shared is digital, just like this blog post.</p>



<p><strong>Even if you left social media today, the posts you have shared would continue to be used for various data mining exercises to help drive activity online.&nbsp; &nbsp;</strong></p>



<p>The bigger issue here is that people feel that control is being taken away from them, so <em>what does social mean to you?&nbsp; </em>Last Summer, I deleted my social media accounts.&nbsp; No more Facebook, no more Twitter and no more Instagram.&nbsp; I kept Whatsapp so I get the best of both worlds – a way to stay connected, but without the marketing and endless comments from people I didn’t actually know that well.  </p>



<p>When I suggested to my friend that she keep Whatsapp to stay connected, but delete everything else, I wasn’t too surprised by her defensive response.&nbsp; What we are also dealing with here is addiction. &nbsp;An addict believes that have a right to a substance, and on their terms.&nbsp; The terms have now changed and the addict is now reacting.&nbsp;</p>



<p>In my client work, I have seen the negative impact social media has had on people.&nbsp; It is easy to say it, but <strong>the most powerful thing you can do is stop powering the social media platforms</strong> <strong>with your content</strong>.</p>



<p>As counsellors, part of our work is to explore a client&#8217;s locus of evaluation.&nbsp; We come into the world alone, and we will leave the world alone, so <em>why do we spend so much of our time on earth worrying about what other people think?&nbsp; Why do we need those comments on our social media feed?&nbsp; Why do we crave validation?&nbsp; </em>Counselling helps to explore all this, and more.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Our locus of evaluation is where we get our sense of right and wrong.&nbsp; An external locus of evaluation means we are evaluating the world around based on what other people have told us.&nbsp; For example, a over-protective mother [<em>not always a bad thing, by the way</em>] can leave a child with a lifelong fear of dogs because the child may have been taught that all dogs are dangerous (based on the mother&#8217;s unfortunate experience).&nbsp;</p>



<p>A healthier way of being is to develop your own internal locus of evaluation where you <strong>judge the world &#8211; and yourself &#8211; based on your own gut instinct, by acknowledging and accepting how you feel and your own accumulation of personal beliefs</strong>.</p>



<p>After many years of training, I have learnt that there is only one ‘Like’ that truly matters.&nbsp; And that is my own. &nbsp;</p>



<p>Book a session with me and let’s work together to help you get there.  Contact me <a href="https://stuartmcnaughton.com/contact">here</a>. </p>



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